Growing up bites.

Tis' the season to be jolly fa la la la la la la la la~

Not! D:

Although the Christmas season is supposed to fill everyone's hearts with joy and oodles and oodles of happiness and fun, I certainly don't feel that way. Don't get me wrong. I love Christmas. I love that it's finally here, but unfortunately I'm just not in a festive mood :(

Why, you ask?

Well, it's approaching the end of 2007 and the beginning of 2008. While primary and secondary students worry about their new shoes and new uniforms and books, we, the ex form fivers are watching friends leave sweet ol' Miri to continue their studies elsewhere. *sigh* Sometimes, I wish I had to go back to St Joe again next year. No joke :( I miss St Joe. I miss hanging out at the canteen during break time and purposely staying there until the juniors had to shoo us away. I miss hanging out at the PA room with my buddies and just chatting away while everyone else is suffering listening to school rules (which, I might add is repeated almost every week) during the assembly. I miss just sitting around in class with my friends and BS the day away. There are just so many things I miss about school, about good ol' St Joe Miri.

Ms. Belinda Wong Tze Veun a.k.a Ms. Bofobleb is moving tomorrow D: No Belle! Don't gooooo :(

Belinda:
Ahh... it's been a long journey for you, hasn't it? :) I've known you since... Primary 5? Haha we had so many memories together. You were by far the friendliest person I've ever met in Primary school (because you invited me to your house for Chinese New Year and for projects and stuff ^^) and the most daring. You were always the reliable one, always finishing your project in time and offering to lend us a helping hand when doing group work (Yes, I know me and Sarah are lazy bums :( ). That's just your nature and that's what made you the Belinda we know and love today :) So Belle, for all the times we've hurt you and made you distant yourself from us, we're so sorry. Let's just erase those awful memories, alright? :) but Belle, we just want you to know that you will always be one of the best band presidents ever in the history of St Joe Miri Marching Band, the most garang prefect in our prefectorial board (it's a good thing!), the most cantik and fashionable girl in our group, the most in-your-face chick we've ever met but most of all, the greatest friend in the world :) Thank you for always being there for us, Belle. You are a true friend :) We'll miss you loads. Take care and don't forget to keep in touch with us :)

Back in the pinafore days. The HORROR! D:

Another tag.

I was tagged by Kristine :(

5 THINGS FOUND IN MY BAG
- A pink mirror O.O
- Mascara.
- Earrings.
- Coins.
- Tissue.

5 THINGS FOUND IN MY WALLET
- Cards.
- Scapular.
- Money.
- Necklace chain.
- Part of a metal violin given to me by Chris (sorry dude :( ).

5 THINGS FOUND IN MY ROOM
- Closet. Pink *blech*
- Desk lamp.
- Loads of old books.
- Stuffed toys.
- Pink dressing table haha.

5 THINGS I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO
- Get fatter :)
- Go skiing.
- Race with real cars :P (who am I kidding. I can't even drive yet haha)
- Meet Mayday Parade in person :)
- Take a Puak 13 pic (which has never EVER been done)

5 THINGS I’M CURRENTLY INTO
- Mayday Parade :)
- Whose Line Is It Anyway.
- Beaches :D
- Sleeping.
- Onlining.

5 BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE TO TAG
I'm a nice person. I don't tag people yerseh :P

Bye bye, St. Joe. You were good to me ;(

"Watch it burn
Let it die
Cause we are finally free tonight" x]

Congrats to all SPM-ers for graduating Secondary School!

'Tis Mayday Parade :)

I made this music player at MyFlashFetish.com.


Myflashfetish + Mayday Parade = <333

Tag.

Darn tags.

1. Have you ever cursed someone aloud in front of them?
# Last time. Now rarely.

2. Who's the person who dominates your phone's inbox?
# No comment.

3. What do you feel when people compliment you?
# Flattered of course. I'd wear a smile the whole day =]

4. What would be your initial reaction if you saw your boyfriend/girlfriend kissing someone else?
# I'd cry ='( pathetic, no? haha.

5. What would you do if you saw someone being murdered inside their house?
# Call the police of course.

6. Tell one weird fact about yourself.
# I don't think I'm weird. I'm... unique =P

7. People often tell you that you like..
# certain 'people' haha. Colop!!

8. Could your life still be happy if you had to leave everything behind to go another place?
# I won't be happy if I had to leave my family and friends. So the answer's no.

9. What if some stranger just touched you in the ass?
# Regardless girl or guy, I'd whack them both. Extra power for the lesbo haha.

10. When you're irritated, you tend to..
# let out an 'urgh' and start to distant myself from whatever's irritating me.

11. Tell how was your last kiss was..
# No.

12. Have you and your mom had a big fight?
# Not really. When I was a kid got la. Spoilt ba =P

13. If you were obese, what's your first step in losing weight?
# Lose weight? I'd keep the weight bahaha.

14. Would you slap your best friends' back if they slapped you?
# Of course.

15. When you were little, what past time did you enjoy?
# I loved hanging out with my kiddie friends at the nearby playground =]

16. Is grade school better than highschool?
# Sort of. Grade school's easier =(

17. Would you ever marry someone who's black American?
# Why not?

18. Who's the most sensitive person you know?
# Ada la.

19. What's the best movie for you so far?
# LOTR trio. Hands down =]

20. Do you have a collection of some sort?
# Stamps and stickers. But I stopped collecting them when moved here.

21. Do you always get teased by the people around you?
# D-uh. It's like some kind of daily routine.

22. Ever got caught peeing in public?
# Of course not.

23. Thrown up in front of your crush?
# Nope.

24. What's something you're concerned about recently
# Loads of stuff.

25. Tag five people.
# No =]

A bond beyond ocean and sky ;]

It's been a while.

A lot has happened in these few months and I'd like to post about something very meaningful to me =]

Let's start off with an incident that happened a few months back.

"No, I'm not performing." It used to be one of my most used phrases in the month of May and April. Lots of people would question me and I simply told them that my parents would not allow me to perform. I also had to consider my health which was deteriorating at that time due to certain reasons. At a certain moment, some of the members were begging some of the seniors to perform. With a band consisting of around 50% juniors, most of them in Form 1, how far can the band go, right? And these were the States, not some small concert. The instructor even tried to persuade the parents but to no avail. Only a few were convinced to perform while others stood their ground. It seemed like a wise thing to do at that time, just leaving the band without even considering my post. We even almost lost a friend that we never knew could be so close to us now because of this. And at that time, at that certain point in my life, I actually hated the band. I couldn't believe how much tension it caused me. I couldn't believe how many times it caused me and my parents to argue.
But when I got back a few weeks before the competition, the atmosphere was different. It felt awkward being there and when we took control of the formation just for a few minutes to help out, it was obvious. We weren't welcomed there anymore. It's wrong to assume without investigating beforehand but the signs were crystal clear. So we left with heavy hearts. Some of us started to question the behavior. "What happened to the unity? What happened to the respect?" We came to the conclusion that they couldn't wait to take over our post. Who could blame them? We left just like that. I would be pissed off too if I were them.
Everyone could tell there was tension between the seniors and some of the future leaders since the end of last year during the Hong Kong trip. It had only gotten worse after the States. The conflict lasted months and eventually the seniors decided to retire early. We got the candidates for the new board and were debating on who was to lead. It was hard for us even though it seemed like we didn't care anymore. But we did. After five long years in band it was hard to leave but we knew we had to. One day, Bel received an unexpected phone call from a band member. He was asking for help and said that the band was in shambles. When she heard this, she called the other seniors without hesitation. We all showed up the next day, anxious and worried about the band's condition.
He was right. Everything was a mess. The members were starting to rebel. They made the leaders look like lifeless dolls when trying to control them. No one was listening. No one was cooperating. It seemed like the band was going down so quickly after it's highest achievement last year in Hong Kong. You could just imagine how painful it felt to see something that we helped build for years to crash down right in front of our eyes. And we knew that without cooperation from both sides, there was no longer hope for the band. So we held a meeting. A serious meeting and hopefully the last meeting of its sort. Almost an hour of debating and discussion and we finally came to a conclusion:

[Pic not available yet]

We were taught since the beginning to be one big family. As juniors we were guided and taught by the seniors whom we respected and will never forget and as seniors we tried our best to teach the members all we know. Band has truly changed my life and has taken up a huge part of it as well. To all my friends and members, we've all been through thick and thin together and although conflicts may arise once in a while, we always find a way to bounce back. We grew closer through band and with band we have built a family of music loving, band crazed, sun-immune members together. Though band members may come and go, but the love for band will never die ;]

Josephians,
May you achieve more than we've ever dreamed of. To the summit, no? =]


St Joe Miri Rawks! Oh YeAh!!

No giving up now...

So you found out today your life's not the same
Not quite as perfect as it was yesterday but
When you were just getting in the groove
Now you're faced with something new
And I know it hurts and I know you feel torn
But you never gave up this easily before
So why do you choose today to give it all away

Well it's not so bad y'all
Together we all fall
Just as long we get up we'll stand tall
We shouldn't waste another day
Thinking 'bout the things that we forgot to say

I'm hittin' back y'all
Kickin' these four walls
Just as hard as I can til I can't crawl
I won't waste another day
With all these silly things
Swimmin' in my brain

[Chorus]
There's no giving up now
Do you really want to give this all away
Can't you ever see things in a different way
Somedays
No giving up now
Such a beautiful thing to throw away
You should think things through
Over and over again
All over again

So your scars fade away
You soaked up the pain
A better person 'cause you lived through those days
And now you know what it's like to prove
You can overcome anything that gets to you
Well it's alright
We're sayin' our goodbyes
To the past and everything that ain't right
We won't waste another day
With all these silly things in our way

[Chorus]

I know we have given
All that we can give
When there's nothing to lean on
Well, I remember this
All we make of this lifetime
Is always here within
And remembering that's why
We should never give in

[Chorus]

There's no giving up now


'Tis a good song when you feel like crap or when your current life's gone bad. Really gives me that extra push to get through another day. Never give up if you truly treasure something, no matter how difficult life gets.

I just wanna get drunk and forget about everything.

Coz' the one thing I loved so much is just not the same anymore.

Yeah I could be over exaggerating.

But one things for sure: They don't understand what we've been through. How we feel. How much we've sacrificed, though in their eyes it could never be enough.

What else can I do, right? I'm already not wanted there. I've been back stabbed. And I practically ruined everyone's mood just by showing up with the intention of helping out, not showing off. I've just been unofficially stripped off my post as a vice. But I don't really care about that.

What I really care about is my friends who are currently busting their ass day and night just to help them improve. And what do they get in return? They just get scolded, back stabbed. I know lah, we're not the best board ever. But give them a break, okay? They're trying. So damn hard. The least you all could do is co-operate just for a few more weeks. Is it really that hard? If there's anything, just confront us lah. How would we/they know if we've/they've done anything wrong if you don't say anything?

I just... I don' t know. It's not the same anymore.

What I ask of you all is simple.

Just co-operate with the remaining seniors.

Maybe I do seem like some kind of traitor for abandoning you all. But I really didn't have a choice. It's fine if I just seem pathetic in your eyes. It's not forgiveness that I seek from all of you.

I just want you to love band, together with the other remaining seniors.

Please don't make it hell for the others. Don't make the senior's last few weeks with you all be the worse they've ever experienced. They love the band, I can assure you. And so do we.

Unity is all that matters now.

So please. Stop all this.

And just help them out.

Please.

So...

I don't feel like I'm of any use anymore. What's the use of caring if I don't even feel accepted? If I don't even get the same friendly looks I used to get when I was there a few weeks ago? If I don't feel like part of it anymore? If I just feel like some kind of bossy, noisy b*tch yang suka berlagak in front of people?

I guess this is somewhat like retribution.

Maybe I should learn to let go.

Maybe.

Just maybe.

Dewa 19- Pupus

I love this song and it's lyrics :)

Indon songs beat Malaysian ones anyday.

Thanks for the intro, Pol!

Still under construction

My blog isn't completely done yet. I still have a few editing to do and still have to learn how to make my very own custom blogskin.

So how are you? =3

It's been ages since I last blogged and believe me: these past few months have been so rocky I almost fell flat on my face. It's been a tough ride for me but I managed to pull through. There's been a lot of conflicts and a lot of problems lately. Mostly solved, but some are still left hanging. Let's just hope everything turns out well, ya?

Life's been boring. Especially the holidays.

It's been emptier lately. I feel like I'm missing something. And I know exactly what it is: Band. Circumstances caused me to step down from the performing list. I miss it a lot though *sigh*. This is probably retribution for all those mornings I woke up for band complaining that it was too early. Nowadays I wake up late and feel like nothing else can satisfy my boredom. I'd rather wake up at 5am for band practices than to wake up at 10am and do nothing. I miss you, band. But what goes around, comes around. Probably referring to those times when I sort of thought the management wasn't good enough. I guess I didn't know how it felt to be a leader. Now I bet I'm being criticized behind my back for not being there for the band! NoOOooOoOoo! *rips eyeballs out* Damn the bad karma =\

Besides that, our friendships had had it's share of bittersweet moments. Though most matters are settled, it can't remain calm forever. It's probably all those personality differences. Some are strong, some are weak. Some prefer to do this, some prefer to do that. So I'd just like to apologize if anyone was hurt in this 'argument'. Things have changed. People change. And only God knows how and why. Hopefully, it's for the best. But I still hope we'll all remain friends. Hug? :( *hugs*

I need to sleep now. It's close to 1am. Toodle boogle shmoogle!

Blog is currently under construction.

So be back in a few days!