I wish, I wish.

I wish for many things.

I pray and I pray and I pray but I can't get through.

My hopes have been on this roller coaster ride for years now, and I still don't have an answer. Not yet, Lord? Maybe I should just be still. I should.

Maybe I should just trust for once. Maybe I should open my heart to You.

But You know, it's not about me. Deep in my heart, it never was.

There isn't anything I wouldn't give for this one prayer. If I knew how it is to trust with everything I've got, then maybe I'll finally get an answer. Maybe, just maybe, my prayers will be answered.

Emotionally charged, just like an Adele song.

I am incredibly emotionally worked up today, as I have been for the past week or so.

I'm not even gonna bother typing properly coz' I'm just so tired. 4.32am here. I guess I only have myself to blame for staying up this late. Again.

Have you ever noticed that your thoughts just start to run wild the later you stay up? It's as if the part of your brain that keeps you sane and in check just decided to call it a night and let your retarded, over-thinking side dominate. And for the past few nights, I have been bombarded with thoughts of how the people around me have hurt me in the past. It's strange how I remember certain events that still affect me till today, even though some of them happened way back when. All those hurtful words that were meant as jokes suddenly don't seem that funny to me anymore. I've never been upfront about the things that hurt me, and so most (if not, all) of the people I know don't really know that I'm still quite sensitive to certain topics. I guess there's a downside to keeping a straight face all the time, even when I feel like they've gone too far. On most days, I can usually take in a lot of teasing and would probably throw it back at them twice as hard if I could, simply because I've learned not to take things so seriously.

But on days like this, I don't know why but I just can't help but feel a little taken for granted.

I don't know. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I've destroyed my brain cells staying up all night and have now been reduced to an unstable stick-like creature with dark circles that sweep the floor.

Sorry if all of this doesn't make any sense. Don't really have the energy to proof read. Don't really care to anyway.

Back then

Have you ever wanted to just go back in time; just retrace your steps and relive every second of your past?

I'm sure we all have. I just seem to be doing that very often nowadays.

And it's not like I'm having an awful time where I am now. In fact, I'm living very comfortably here in Perth. Honestly, I have always felt very blessed to be here, to have met all of my wonderful friends and to have let myself experience and try things I've never bothered doing back home. I do love it here, but I can't help but look back once in a while. And when I do, I start to miss everything I once had. From the comfort of home; being surrounded by family and friends that I've known for almost a decade now, to getting out of that comfort zone and stepping into college life in Inti; experiencing freedom for the very first time with people that I will never forget. I miss it all and it's sad that every time I look back, the memories start to become more vague. If I had a chance, I would go back and just relive them so they would never fade.

I understand that life goes on and looking back ever so often will only leave me stagnant, but it's hard not to miss and yearn for the things that have made such a big impact in your life; things that make you smile every time you think about them.

Memories are there to remind us that life is worth living, that love is worth pursuing and that friendship is worth keeping. I will always remember those of you who have been such a big part of my life, especially those who have brought me closer to God. Because when I feel like I've lost my way, I think back to how I used to feel when I was close to Him.

And it's all thanks to you, all of you who were part of my journey before.

Another day, another chapter

I'm finding it hard to focus on studying now so just a quick update.

The end of the first half of my year in uni is almost over, with my final exams just a week away. I still find myself procrastinating a lot and having to beat myself up mentally in order to get my skinny butt seated still and my eyes locked and focused on the lecture notes. Doesn't last long though; 5-10 minutes tops and then my mind would wander elsewhere for a couple more minutes. This basically goes on for a while until I get fed up and decide to look for random videos on Youtube or obsessively check my Twitter and Tumblr for updates. Much like right now. Except that I've decided to update this sad excuse for a blog.

I'm honestly finding the units pretty tough this year, with the insane amount of material we are expected to absorb and the sheer depth of the topics. I'm not saying it's impossible because, honestly, anyone can snag a HD or two with these units, as long as they have enough self-discipline to study; which is something I've always lacked, as you can see. I'm hoping I'll get a decent mark though. I've never been a HD kind of student and Ds are starting to get more and more out of reach. Oh well. Just have to do what I can.

I think that's enough self pity for today. Toodles.

3 years and all you get is a stupid blog post. You're welcome.

Hey there :) It's been a while. And I know no one will ever read this blog ever again ever since I abandoned it a few years back, but heck, here's to the good old days.

I've been through a lot these past few years and I accept the way I turned out; definitely different from how I was back then. But I can't help but want to go back. The nostalgia I feel every time I read old blog posts or browse through pictures from way back when, makes me want to cry. Every single time. What is it about those days that I love and miss so much?

I believe it's because back then, I lived. I lived life doing the things I love with the people I love. I skipped school, played around during exam months and didn't study for nuts. Honestly, I wasn't a bad kid even though I did those things. I just prioritized friends over studies. And life was good. Life was fun and lived how I wanted it to and I can honestly say, I look back with no regrets (even though all my exam results were terrible. Stay in school, kids. And do your homework).

What's life if you live it with no heart? Ten years from now, I want to look back and actually miss Perth and Uni the way I miss Kuching and Miri. It's never too late to start living while you're still breathing. And boy, do I want to start.

xoxo (are they still doing this on blogs? lol),

Grace :)

Goodbye :)

Well I'm leaving in 12 hours. I won't be updating while I'm there though. Sorry :\

This blog is DEAD D:

*sobs* see you all when I get back to Miri. And thanks to Kristine and Sarah for the dedication posts :)

p/s: To the puak: I'll miss you guys loads when I leave :( Ciaoz!

David Cook- Always Be My Baby

David Cook rocks. Best arrangement for Mariah Carey week :)

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